To do, or not to do? That is the Question!

I find myself torn between descions that I have to make... follow my dreams or help others with theirs. How super Crazy is that. I found out in class the other day I am a collectivist.

We played an exercise and I had two choices help my subordinates get promoted or myself get promoted and I chose the first. My professor was like whoa! I was the only one who chose that. Out of ten other categories I choose something for my own benefit last. To some people that would be Admirable, honorable... down tight epic!

 One of my class mates played devil's advocate and posed this question; "What if you were in a Airplane and it was having some trouble would you put the gas mask on your neighbors face, before your own."  I replied of course not! In reprospect I realized that in many situations I did just that. Instead of studying, I used that time to help someone else with a project and ended up failing an exam. Instead of finishing a personal goal for myslef I helped plan an event, host an event or even attend an event before doing something that I know I should be getting done. Guess what? That was the problem. All of those times I was helping another person put on their gas mask while I perished...emotional, psychological and physically. The bigger issue was this while others would leave the situation satisfied, exctied and fullfilled from my help... "Super" Vicky... (which one of my lovely friends call me) I would be litterally flying straight into my kriptonite. When I am drained, burnout, overwhelmed I just want to run in a cave and hide. Sad thing is this is happening more and more frequently.

What I have down was write down all that things that I am responsible for...including groups, organizations I am affiliated with, weekly bible studies, internships etc. I was on three pages front and back. Ladies and Gents... I am spread way to thin. You would think that most of the stuff that I am affliated with I enjoy or that I am interested in.. or that I am doing them because I want to. I would have to disagree... Even Birthday parties are like NOOOO... to me sometimes because I'm like... 1 more thing to add to my schedule.

Just recently... A dream come true occured... finally something I am excited about...in order to it, I would have to make a great amount of sacrifices! cutting back on different activities and prioriting (something I was never good at) My biggest worry is disappointing the people in my life. When will I say Listen Vicky.... you have the right to live aswell. Today! Today I say I am taking control of my life...I donot have a gun to my head when I choose to say yes to these things!

My life Coach Told me this: Every thing that I do does it lead me to my purpose. If it doesn't I need to reevalute my priorities so I can accomplish what I was created to do. If not I will continue to be distracted for the rest of my life... living vicariously through someone else.... or wanting someone else's life, when God has gifted me with talents, gifts and experiences of my own. What I do with them are my choice.

By speaking with someone I shared that, even if I didn't have anything going on... no event, nothing I will find something to occupy my time. Am I being Productive... Productivity is what I want... It's not going to be easy but Prasie God I hope to live to tell my story about it.

Happy New Year!

Celebrate Good Times C'mon! Make 2011 your year of action... Do something different this year :-)

My New Year Message to you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy9yMaQbq6A

I Matter, You Matter

I was at church today in prayer and while I was praying I was reminising about something that occurred yesterday. A friend of mine asked me an honest question and I was honest with them. I was shocked! I did not sugarcoat, appease or lie about how I felt about their actions. Usually I find myself agreeing to things I would rather not agree to. Going to events I would rather not go to, and taking on responsibilities that I would rather not be responsible for. I'm the type of person who doesn't like hurting people's feeling or making anyone feel bad.

This time around was different, I spoke from my heart and I was clear about how I felt and that was that. I didn't leave room for my friend to try to manipulate me to change my mind (I fall victim to that every time). I was proud of me actually. We agreed to disagree... I was ok with that! I thank God for showing me that I am capable of doing All things through Him. I never would have thought that I could be so blunt. I thank God for that!


While I was praying today I got a little teary eyed because while I prayed I thanked God for showing me that I truly mattered. My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, my hopes, my dreams! Everything about me mattered. That has been a personal struggle with me for the longest. Understanding my self-worth is in Christ, and If I don't matter to anyone on this planet, I mean so much to Him. His death alone is what I need to look towards whenever I go through my "I don't matter" phase.


We have the light of Christ shining through us. When we walk around with a negative Self-concept (how we perceive) ourselves. We hide the light that is within in us. Some of us do it all the time. We don't want to share our testimony because we don't think it's important. We don't share stories about ourselves so people can get to know us better. We hide parts of our personalities for fear of being judged. We repress our true selves and end up trying to piece together this false identity.


I leave you with this:


“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

This Little light of mine.... I'm gonna let it shine! Remember I matter, you matter! We all Matter! :-)

What makes God Smile?

While reading The Purpose Driven Life, I was plagued with the thought of not being in God's will for my life or the fear of not fulfilling my purpose and the end of my life hearing..."Wait... I didn't call you to do this particular thing." God just helped me realize He is not one dimensional. While reading Chapter 9 of the purpose driven life it is titled "What makes God smile?" The chapter is talking about how everything we do brings Glory to God. I find that quite interesting because for a long time I thought it was certain things that we do brought Glory to God. Like you know, fasting for 40 days, praying, bringing people to Christ. For a long time I felt "less" spiritual if I wasn't doing those things. According to Rick Warren "Every human activity, except sin can be done for God's pleasure if you do it with an attitude of praise. You can wash dishes, repair a machine, sell a product, write a computer program, grow a crop, and raise a family for God's Glory." I was lead to believe that my purpose was solely tied into this "one" activity or "calling" that defined who I am as an individual. I couldn't have been more wrong.

For example Moses He Had  a "Calling". He heard God call out to him through burning bush . Exodus 3:1-15. God tells Moses specific detailed instructions of exactly what he wants Moses to do.
1. My people have been in slavery
2. My people have been crying out to me and I am touched
3. I am sending you Moses to tell Pharaoh to let them go

Granted Moses didn't know how this all would happen but along the way God filled in the blanks.  God took His time to explain to Moses that He would be with him and answered the other questions that Moses had. I always thought that is the exact way that my "calling" would be expressed to me in a Booming voice, maybe with doves floating through the air, I just thought it would be like something out of a Disney Pixar movie. I didn't pay attention to one thing. How could Moses be able to speak to a  Pharaoh?  What gave him such authority to do so? You may say the power of God. Yes. but not quite. Before Moses was called by God, Moses spent 40 years in the palace with the Pharaoh. Think about it... No one could get through to someone quicker unless there is a connection with them. Notice how a colleague of yours may not be able to reach you on your cellphone but an old friend can reach you at your home number. There is something sacred about connection that only 'time'can MAKE IT GROW.  40 years is ample time to make a connection with anyone, that is what Moses had.

After that Moses spent 40 years outside of the palace as a Shepherd!

Dictionary.com states:  A Shepherd is:  a person who herds, tends, and guards sheep. What did being a Shepherd have to do with Moses and the Israelites?... Everything! If any one is a pet owner you can understand how difficult it is. I own a dog, I know. I got caught up in how cuddly my dog was and forgot, Hey I have to feed him and take care of him. It is not an easy task with one pet, can you image 100 sheep or even more. The grooming, feeding and leading them must have been major for Moses.This leads to the 2nd definition of a Shepard which is:  a person who protects, guides, or watches over a person or group of people. Moses would not have been prepared to lead a multitude of people if he didn't understand how to lead Sheep.

What I hadn't realized was that Moses got the "call" 80 years later can you believe it? 40 years in the palace, then 40 years as a Shepherd. All for one thing... "Preparation" God was preparing Moses to be a shepherd over the Israelites. In the same way all of our experiences, regrets, talents, failures, strengths and weakness are preparing us for our purposes. Could you imagine going to battle without a war tactic or a strategy or worse no experience or training whatsoever!

That's why God wouldn't give us a billion dollar company if we can't budget 100 dollars. We have to be able to manage the hundred dollars. God wants us to be prepared for our mission in life. Let's get prepared! It may not be fun... but it's necessary for our development. So strap on your seat belt and get ready to embark on this journey called life.... P.S. Don't forget to make God smile along the way :-)

Vicky S. Joseph

School is Cool!

This Semester (Aug-Dec 2010) has been very difficult for me. I was over extended and over booked with church events, obligations to others and even family issues. I had to let go of organizations that I joined in the summer, postpone meetings, stop going to different activities and say the scary "NO" word. Not because I wanted to but only because I HAD to! The breaking point for me was the middle of the semester.

I took an exam that I know that I bombed. I handed in the exam and walked out in tears.  I started my car and drove off balling.... In the mist of my tears... I started singing "Just can't give up now, I've come to far from where I started from" This freaked me out because I was like where did that come from... I continued to sing this song all the way home. I couldn't believe in the mist of my turmoil God wanted to comfort me. Nonetheless, I determined in my heart that I would withdraw from the course. I refused to fail and get kicked out of the program. I even shared this info with the female bible study that I am apart of as well.

When I went to class the next week my professor "chewed us out"! Apparently 5 students failed the test miserably. She went on to say that she refuses to sign off on Master's Degree for students who were not willing to apply themselves. I took what she said to heart and met w/ her ready with my withdraw form fully filled out. I just needed her signature to complete the process. I told her that I wanted to withdraw from the class  and she said : "You are avoiding the issue, you have grown in the past 2 years in the program, and  you have come to far too give up now. Can you believe it? She said the same words as the song I was singing in the mist of my tears. She continued to tell me that she will not fail a student who applied themselves and that this program is my full time job.

So that was confirmation for me to stay in the class. I was nervous but I stayed in the course. After that meeting I completely cut back on my over booked schedule. I had to weigh my options as well. It was so difficult for me. I went through withdrawal symptoms. Every time there was an event I couldn't go it hurt. I wanted to support others, be in the now and have fun! I couldn't.... Study? are you serious.? I was so used to doing the bare minimum. Now I really had to work... here goes nothing!

After I turned in each paper assignment my grades were exceptional. 39 out of 40 points, 49 out of 50 points and even 50 out of 50 points. I was so excited! My professor even sent other students to look at my paper as there example. I was in shock. I couldn't believe it because my 1st semester in grad school a professor told me my writing was not on the graduated level. Now a professor was sending students to me.... WOW God is Awesome. I'm glad I stayed in the course to see this change of events.

My final exam grade was 89 out of 100 points and my final paper grade was 148 grades out of 150.
Praise God! How awesome is He! :-)

Make the Ordinary Extraordinary ;-)

Making the ordinary extraordinary Gives honor to God!

Part 1


Part 2


Part 3

My heart

Putting my heart on the table and letting God operate! SN: Vunerability isn't weakness expressed (nor is it fun) but it allows others to see a commonality-->Humanity! -Princess V <-- (me) :-)