I'm trying but....

I’m trying, but…

what I want to do,

I don’t do enough of,

and what I don’t want to do,

I do too much of.

I know the rules for a Christian life,

according to the Bible,

and I’m trying; I really am, but…

heaven and eternity seem so far away,

and the rampantly materialistic world

presses in so close

from every direction, every side,

that I get distracted.

Focus, focus, focus!

I need to focus, laser-like

on a simple, God-centered life.

Do I really need

to make that frivolous purchase,

instead of giving the money

to someone who needs it

so much more than I do?

Can I watch that TV show,

read that book, listen to that song

that contains (and promotes!)

even a little bit

of what the Bible forbids,

without being corrupted?

Do I do enough

to love and help and encourage others?

Pride always hovers,

eagerly waiting

to subdue and conquer humility,

so I think too much of myself.

I know the rules;

the Bible makes everything clear.

Forgive me, Lord;

I’m trying, but…

Romans 7:15, Matthew 6:19, Matthew 22:39, Philippians 4:8

Poem By Joanna Fuchs

Dish it!

I find myself talking more and more about my feelings. It is quite difficult for me but I find that speaking about your true feelings, from the depth of your soul to someone who is willing to listen, (without passing judgement) aids in relieveing pent up stress. Vulnerability is very difficult for individuals... It's saying "Hey this is me in the flesh, take it or leave it" The only problem is this... our worries regarding the person on the other end of the conversation and their reaction to what we may tell them in confidence.


Always Pray and ask God to show us the heart of an individal before we begin sharing the most intimate details of our  life.

To do, or not to do? That is the Question!

I find myself torn between descions that I have to make... follow my dreams or help others with theirs. How super Crazy is that. I found out in class the other day I am a collectivist.

We played an exercise and I had two choices help my subordinates get promoted or myself get promoted and I chose the first. My professor was like whoa! I was the only one who chose that. Out of ten other categories I choose something for my own benefit last. To some people that would be Admirable, honorable... down tight epic!

 One of my class mates played devil's advocate and posed this question; "What if you were in a Airplane and it was having some trouble would you put the gas mask on your neighbors face, before your own."  I replied of course not! In reprospect I realized that in many situations I did just that. Instead of studying, I used that time to help someone else with a project and ended up failing an exam. Instead of finishing a personal goal for myslef I helped plan an event, host an event or even attend an event before doing something that I know I should be getting done. Guess what? That was the problem. All of those times I was helping another person put on their gas mask while I perished...emotional, psychological and physically. The bigger issue was this while others would leave the situation satisfied, exctied and fullfilled from my help... "Super" Vicky... (which one of my lovely friends call me) I would be litterally flying straight into my kriptonite. When I am drained, burnout, overwhelmed I just want to run in a cave and hide. Sad thing is this is happening more and more frequently.

What I have down was write down all that things that I am responsible for...including groups, organizations I am affiliated with, weekly bible studies, internships etc. I was on three pages front and back. Ladies and Gents... I am spread way to thin. You would think that most of the stuff that I am affliated with I enjoy or that I am interested in.. or that I am doing them because I want to. I would have to disagree... Even Birthday parties are like NOOOO... to me sometimes because I'm like... 1 more thing to add to my schedule.

Just recently... A dream come true occured... finally something I am excited about...in order to it, I would have to make a great amount of sacrifices! cutting back on different activities and prioriting (something I was never good at) My biggest worry is disappointing the people in my life. When will I say Listen Vicky.... you have the right to live aswell. Today! Today I say I am taking control of my life...I donot have a gun to my head when I choose to say yes to these things!

My life Coach Told me this: Every thing that I do does it lead me to my purpose. If it doesn't I need to reevalute my priorities so I can accomplish what I was created to do. If not I will continue to be distracted for the rest of my life... living vicariously through someone else.... or wanting someone else's life, when God has gifted me with talents, gifts and experiences of my own. What I do with them are my choice.

By speaking with someone I shared that, even if I didn't have anything going on... no event, nothing I will find something to occupy my time. Am I being Productive... Productivity is what I want... It's not going to be easy but Prasie God I hope to live to tell my story about it.